New Year and the pressure to become something else

What is it about a New Year that brings an expectation of change and renewal? Big milestones mark the passage of time and can invite a kind of mental accounting. We look back at what has been and imagine what might come next. While New Year’s resolutions often promise renewal through better habits, more discipline, or clearer goals, for many people they bring pressure rather than excitement.

New Year does not necessarily create problems, but it can make existing ones harder to ignore.

In much of the world, January is when the festive period gives way to cold, grey days with limited sunlight. Many people notice a dip in mood, energy, or emotional resilience. At the same time, the start of a new year can sharpen awareness of a gap between how life currently feels and how we want it to feel.

Around the New Year, we can find ourselves holding future focused questions such as, “What do I want to achieve?”, alongside more painful reflections like, “Can I really face another year like this?”

Reflection or self-criticism?

Without space to reflect, these questions can quickly turn into pressure or self-criticism. The familiar “Why can’t I just…?” tends to undermine change rather than support it. When goals are driven by 'shoulds', they can quietly reinforce the belief that who we are now is not enough, or that we do not deserve better.

Rather than motivating us, this kind of inner pressure often leaves us feeling stuck, exhausted, or disconnected from what we actually want.

Making changes that last

Research and experience suggest that moving towards what we want is more sustainable than focusing on what we want to avoid. Broad, value-based intentions rooted in purpose, such as wanting a healthier or more balanced life, often feel meaningful but vague. Concrete actions, such as exercising twice a week, feel measurable but can become disconnected if they are not linked to something that matters.

Holding both together is often what helps people make changes that last.

How therapy supports sustainable change

Therapy offers space to explore the past and what may no longer be working. It provides an opportunity for us to reconnect more deeply with values, self-worth, and meaning. In the first instance, it is less about self-improvement and more about self-understanding.

When we feel understood rather than pushed, change can happen more naturally. Therapy is not about dramatic reinvention, but it does support a gradual movement towards what feels honest, sustainable, and important.

If reading this has resonated with you and you’d like to explore therapy with me, you’re very welcome to email me at info@danieljolles.com to arrange a free, confidential discovery call.